I just completed the WORST interview in the history of interviews.
To begin with, my instincts were screaming that something wasn’t jiving after the phone call to set up the interview yesterday. I asked what the position entailed and I was told that the company, “Real Tech Revelations”, was a “fulfillment center” that offered jobs in customer service, management, and fulfillment positions. Which means…precisely diddly about what the company actually does or provides. I was told that we would discuss that information today at the interview.
When I arrived at the office, which is a storefront in a strip mall, I was somewhat confused by the strawberry blonde man in a sloppy polo and khaki pants with half of his shoulder length curly hair pulled back in a barrette. As Guns N Roses blared over the “office radio”, I wondered again if I had made a poor choice. Still, I filled out my application and waited my turn for an interview. While I waited, one of the other women who was also filling out an application asked what the job was about. She, too, was given the same illusive answer that I had been given over the phone. As “Ancel the Interviewer” took another potential employee back to be questioned, we bounced around the idea that this was a sales job and unanimously (there were four of us), agreed that we had no interest in sales.
Once “Ancel” called me into the interview room, things went from bad to worse.
Ancel: Where are you working right now?
Me, with the same non-nonchalance that he had shown to all of the interviewees: I’m currently working at home.
Ancel: Oh, well, you’re unemployed. Let’s call it what it is.
Me, taken aback: I don’t consider myself unemployed. I have plenty of work to do.
Ancel: What exactly are you doing?
Me: Cooking, cleaning, paying bills, laundry, grocery shopping, taking care of animals, educating my son.
Ancel: Oh, you homeschool your son?
Ancel: Well just to be clear, you won’t have time to do that while you’re working here.
Me, thinking, “I haven’t even accepted a job yet!”: Okay, well, he’s eighteen and is pretty self sufficient when it comes to getting his education.
Ancel: So your kids get a G.E.D.?
Me: Um, no.
Ancel: Well I had a kid in here last week that was homeschooled and he got his G.E.D.
Me (wondering what in the hell my son’s G.E.D. or lack thereof has to do with my ability to work for this or any company…): That may be the way he chose to do it. In the state of Kentucky, a homeschool is a private school and my sons have been and will be given a diploma upon graduation.
Ancel: stares at me suspiciously…Then pulls out a paper and starts reading a spiel at 160 miles per minute. Blah, blah, blah, account representative, paid bi-weekly on Saturday, 9 am to 9 pm, blah, blah…
Me: Hang on…what exactly is an account representative?
Ancel: We’re getting ready to discuss that.
Me: sits quietly, waiting
Ancel: So as I was saying, there is the potential to make a thousand dollars per week, working with middle class and upper class clients, setting up displays, demonstrating the product and…
Me: So this is a sales job?
Ancel: I am currently hiring for customer service and fulfillment representatives…
Me, standing up: I don’t think this is the place for me. Thank you for your time.
Ancel: Well, you know where we’re located if you change your mind.
No Ancel, I won’t ever be that desperate. Thanks anyway.
Holy cow! In the words of the great Garth Brooks, “This learning to live again is killing me.”
Also…after all of that, I STILL have no idea what Real Tech Revelations sells. But the guy does have my name, address, phone number and social. So I’m gonna be watching my credit. It wouldn’t surprise me if I have credit cards opened up in my name in the near future. Credit Karma here I come! Some day, some day I will learn to listen to my gut the first time around. (Which reminds me, if you’ve never seen The Awkward Yeti Comics by Nick Seluk, do yourself a favor and check them out. All three of his books, Heart and Brain, Gut Instincts, and the brand new Body Language are perfectly relate-able to anyone with a heart, brain, gut or body.)
There’s no neat, tidy ending here. Sometimes life just leaves me with a complete and total lack of words. So…to be continued?…