Surprise! I’m having a party, and you’re invited!
As I have recently found another place that I don’t belong, and struggle to figure out where I do belong, or if I belong anywhere at all, I have decided to throw myself a party. Not just any party, of course. This is the most EPIC Pity Party you’ve ever attended!
I’ve got hats and horns, plenty to go around! Grab one of each and let’s get to it!
Music is provided by the world’s tiniest violin, with featured songs such as, “My Heart Bleeds for You”, “No Good Deed Goes Unpunished”, and “It’s My Party (And I’ll Cry If I Want To!)”.
If you’re hungry, have some cheese. It’s best paired with my whine. I will also be serving ice cream, donuts, S’Mores, and chips, as death by carbs seems the most logical solution at this point.
No need to worry about personal hygiene as I know it’s all anyone can do to even get out of bed for a pity party. Please do come dressed in all black (pajamas will be fine) as this is a time of mourning my pride.
Tissues will be provided to cover your nose from the body odor or for wiping away my tears.
Make sure to have your phone set to dial 911. With all the alcohol being consumed to drown my sorrows, chances are good that someone will need to call in a Waaaah-mbulance.
It’s sure to be a roaring, whaling good time! Can’t wait to see you there! If I can see through my tears at all, that is.
(It doesn’t really do much good to cry, so we might as well laugh about it, right?)