I am having a hard time writing lately. For someone who feels she has a natural inclination toward writing, it sure ain’t coming easy. I think part of the problem is that there are all kinds of things that I am avoiding. Like the fact that Vance is about to begin his senior year of high school, and that my chest literally hurts from missing my mountains so much, and that there are twins in Northern Kentucky that stole my heart in the span of one afternoon and I miss their sweet smiles, GREAT BIG HUGS, and mesmerizing giggles. I’m trying to keep living and planning and looking forward, but my heart is eternally pulled backward. There was a time when looking backward hurt because it was filled with bad memories of school and other heartbreaks. Now it hurts because it’s filled with so much happiness and laughter and love. And bittersweet though it may be, that’s the blessing. I’m not complaining. I am, however, avoiding.
I have been thinking a lot about athletes who get “in the zone”. Sometimes my writing is like that. With-in the first couple of sentences I can feel the funny and it just pours out in easy prose. That is my favorite time to write. That’s when I know that what I write is going to be a joy for others to read. ‘Cause like anyone, I love it when people love what I do. And it makes me sad when I fail to catch the attention of my audience. But as my hero, Dita Von Teese would say, “Ignore the critics…only mediocrity is safe from ridicule. Dare to be different!” I’m trying Dita! It ain’t as easy as you make it sound!
I did realize that part of my problem is that I am an emoji addict. I use those little buggers everywhere on my Facebook and in texting. I am so dramatic that in general, to get my point across, it takes three of any given emoji to express how emphatically I feel on a subject. If I send you three hearts, it’s because I love you three times more than one heart can hold. If I post three smiles, it’s because I am super-dee-duper happy! Here, I am limited to using punctuation and capitalizing words to make my feelings understood. It’s like, prehistoric and barbaric, if you ask me. So I would have to say that a lack of emojis interferes with my writing ju ju. Of course, I could take the advice most commonly miss-attributed to Hemingway, “Write drunk, edit sober.” Then I probably wouldn’t even notice the missing emojis. The problem being that alcohol turns to sugar once in the body and so being drunk makes one fat. (Insert sad emoji here.) I don’t need help with gaining weight. I can do that all by myself. So I have to write sober, without emojis and I’m telling you THE STRUGGLE IS REAL! (Insert sweating emoji here.) (See, it’s just not the same!)
I want to share more with you about our trip, and I will. But right this moment I’m still reeling from being back so quickly. I just can NOT understand why that happens. We started planning about eleven weeks out and nearly every day of that eleven weeks I gave a status report to the guys about how much longer. Those eleven weeks were some of the longest of my life. I know you know what I’m talking about. But then the morning came to head down to Tennessee and next was the morning to come home, just that fast. I remember saying as we left town that one thing the Smoky Mountains does well is to leave you wanting more. I would like to visit other places, to explore more of our country. But somehow those mountains call to me, begging me to come back and admire their beauty, like a long lost love. Maybe it’s just infatuation, but I think of them every day, and miss them. Say what you will about “energies” and “spiritual connections”, I’ve seen other mountains. None have captured a piece of my soul and held it hostage like those in Eastern Tennessee. The others don’t live and breathe and reach for me the way that the Smokies do. I miss them. There is a physical ache in my chest from wanting to stand beside them and smell them and listen to their music and wisdom. And so, as with any broken heart, I will talk about it when I’m ready. When it hurts a little less to miss them.
Which brings me to this: since I am struggling a bit to write, I am going to try to do a 30 day challenge. You can learn a little more about me each day, and maybe I’ll even learn a little something about myself. And hopefully find my ju ju! In the mean time, some food for thought. I would like to grow my blog, but I’m quite shy about self-promotion, even though that’s exactly what I have to do. So during the month of July, for every share or re-blog of “Sanity Not Included”, as a “thank you” I will enter your name in a drawing to win a $20 pre-paid Visa. The drawing will be held on the last day of July and to be fair I will have my son, Vance, who doesn’t read my blog or use FB (I KNOW, RIGHT???) draw the name. Sorry, Dean, sorry Shayne, as much as I’d like you to win so you could take me to dinner, morals dictate that you can’t play. Everyone else is good to go! I will take pictures to keep the drawing on the up and up. The winner will be announced on August 1st. Don’t worry, even if you are far away, I can send an eGift Card to you. Simple as pie! If you would like to share my blog before the contest starts on July 1st, please feel free to do so. If there’s something you enjoy reading about, or something you’d like to know, please let me know in the comments and I’ll work the suggestions or answers in the blog. I’ll give you credit for the suggestion and you will be FAMOUS! (Well, at least in my heart. But that’s what’s important, right?) (Insert smiley emoji here. Ugh.)
Okay…rambling, check. Complaining, check. Self-promotion, check. I guess that’s all for today then. Thank you so much for reading and supporting me even when my brain won’t. I hope you’re all getting out there and enjoying summer! It never lasts long enough. “Carpe Diem!” or, “Hold My Beer!”, or “YOLO!” Whatever generation you’re from, I hope that you’re making the best of these beautiful, warm days and that your weekend is filled with all the love, laughter and adventures that life has to offer!